ok so Friday night James and Sandi thought it would be fun to go get me inebriated. James heard I had so much fun at a piano bar down in Austin, he decided he wanted to try one too. My brother is loud and obnoxious sober. so magnify that by 12 when he drinks. My only recourse was to drink even more than him so I would no longer care that he was calling people behind us old geezers, and the college guys homosexuals. (i'm cleaning it WAY up here). flash forward 4 hours when i make my first trip to the bathroom.
when i imbibe, i talk to people, and inanimate objects, thus when i reached the bathroom and sat down on the toilet i began a conversation with it. "whoa it's loud in here huh?"
t: ....
s: man i really have to pee, can you believe they let me come in here by myself?
t: ....
S: i don't think you can tell you've had too much to drink til you get up and start walking around huh?
T: ma'am are you alright in there?
s: what the ...hello?
(this is when i noticed it wasnt the toilet talking back to me, but rather the bathroom attendant)
Bathroom attendant? am i in the men's bathroom?
About that time the toilet seat had had enough. it jerked me across the seat and i (sneakily tried to get out of the bathroom without this intrusive woman noticing i've destroyed her livelihood)
flash forward an hour later.
A: ah your back! are you having a good time ma'am?
S: sure.
A: great, you can go to stall 5 ma'am.
S: (noting stall 5 is the handicapped stall, what is she saying?) thanks
A: be careful, the seat is kinda broken.
How long does it take you to process information? As I sat back down I flew off the side of the toilet like one of those navy fighter planes being flung off an aircraft carrier. how hard is it to pee as you fall to your doom? somehow i managed NOT to wet myself and tried to look composed as i was heading back into the bar.
When my brother had had enough of the a$$h*les that had sat around him and ruined his night, we left. Whoever's great idea it was to put a bar upstairs was a massochist. After we manuevered the stairs and it was a feat, my brother decided we needed to go eat. By the time we drove back from Addison I needed to pee again.
Thankfully the toilets at Denny's are more forgiving, however the tissue dispensers are a real pain in the rear. I believe i argued with the thing about why i couldnt rip off the paper one handed, I was gone so long they sent someone in to come and get me. My sweet little sister straightened my hair for me and I noticed it was all jacked up. I tried to fix it, with wet hands. I wound up looking like a drowned rat.
hey so when are going out again? i wont be surprised if they try to leave me at home next time.
S
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